


I have waited

by Somethingunknown



Category: Sense and Sensibility (1995), Sense and Sensibility - All Media Types, Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Light Dom/sub, No Sex, Regency era dirty talk, Which means it doesn't classify today, just romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:22:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22577020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somethingunknown/pseuds/Somethingunknown
Summary: An imagination of how Marianne's affections for Colonel Brandon developed, in the attempted style of Jane Austen.*readtrough with slight additions june '20.It did not sit well with me, that the book described their marriage as "his reward" and suggested that she didn't fully desire it until some time after. So this is sort of a fix-it.I dedicate this of course to Alan Rickman.
Relationships: Colonel Brandon/Marianne Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood/Edward Ferrars
Comments: 24
Kudos: 112





	I have waited

The acquaintance between Colonel Brandon and Marianne as well as all the inhabitants at Barton Cottage grew stronger in the course of the three following weeks. The gentlemen often walked with the sisters around the plains, which seemed to give them no end of causes for admiration and subjects for conversation. Marianne in particular rejoiced at the composition of a party completely void of affectation, and with the encouragement of her sister and the colonel she talked openly of the sources of joy she found in the sway of the corn or in the strong, unmoving trunks of the oaks. During these walks, it seemed to Elinor, her sister was quite returned to her former animated spirits. 

The evenings were spent in occupation of a most pleasurable kind. Marianne and the colonel, and even at times Margaret, took turns at reading. Their style of reading, as could only be expected, were vastly different: Marianne read with an almost agitated animation, strongly emphasizing the rythm of the prose; and the colonel, though with no less strength in his voice, read at a more steady pace; and lastly was Margaret, who carefully pronounced each word in her eagerness and struggling with her rhythm. Marianne, guided by her ambition to correct her former failings, made sure to compliment her fellow readers. 

'I declare, not until now have I understood how to read well. I say, it is not the goal to reach perfection, as there is no such thing in the human being, but rather to wield one's unique natural talent.' They all agreed upon this, and Elinor in particular understood her meaning. 'You a very right, sister. Furthermore I believe it would be impossible to agree upon a set ideal for the art of reading.' Marianne felt grateful for the concord. 'Indeed, it would be silly for the colonel to attempt my style, and sillier yet for me to attempt the constancy and richness of his delivery.' Marianne felt she had perhaps been too liberal in her compliments, and couldn't help the coloring of her cheeks, while she reproached herself for not being more moderate, but nothing was made of it, except that her sisters both agreed with her. Mrs. Dashwood though, smiled with the expectation of many such attentions between her daughter and Colonel Brandon in the future, but it was not noticed by Marianne as her eyes were cast down, nor by the colonel who was looking at her in surprise. Mr. Ferrars broke the temporary silence by saying: 'With all your elegant deliberations, miss Dashwood, you shall still not persuade me to read in such accomplished company, where I could do nothing but expose my inferior abilities.' Marianne naturally denied this notion vehemently in referring to what they had all agreed upon. 

The evening concluded when Colonel Brandon took his leave of the party to walk back to his quarters at Barton Park before the sun set. Mrs. Dashwood asked that he bless them with his company again the following day to which all agreed and he complied. 

The next day brought such weather as gave the eldest sisters and the two gentlemen of the party the pleasure of a splendid walk to the old ruins. The sky was clear and though it was cold, the sun and the exercise warmed them sufficiently. Colonel Brandon bestowed them with an extensive knowledge of the history of the place, to which they all listened in rapture. Marianne could not hold back her curiosity of the ruins which so often had given her source for wonder, and he obliged her as well as he could, as much to the gratification of his young companion as to his own selfish indulgence in her company. This fascination in both of them caused them not to take note that they had drifted some distance from their companions such as unable hear them. Elinor had naturally noticed it, as she was not as easily engrossed as her sister, but she could offer no protest at all, as seemed as well to be the case with Mr. Ferrars. 

Marianne made sure to thank the colonel that he would oblige them in their curiosity of the place. 'It gives me great pleasure to do so, miss Dashwood.' Marianne had the sudden notion, that she should like him to adress her by her given name, and the unbidden reverie deprived her of her words for a moment, but she was set on imbuing him with her gratefulness. 'Only tell me how I can repay your great kindness of spirit.' The colonel understood that she refered not only to his account of the local history. 'If you will allow me to be bold,' Marianne nervously agreed that she would, 'I should like to invite your family to Delaford.' Here he paused to gauge her reaction which he deemed favorable enough to continue, while looking in her eyes. 'For I would like nothing more than to hear you play my Broadwood Grand and fill the rooms of Delaford with your divine voice.' Marianne had to employ all her newfound fortitude in exerting herself, lest her heart galop out of her chest and cause her to faint; so much so was the exaltation, yes, even anxiety at the colonel's affectionate words. She hid her face from his view as best she could, and regulated her breath to enable her to answer, somewhat calmly, that it would be her greatest pleasure. Her thoughts were barely restrained in their resolve to fancy in all detail how the estate looked, what trees adorned the garden and how the colonel had furnished his favourite rooms. 

They soon herafter rejoined their companions, and Marianne had never been more grateful for her sisters ability to make polite conversation, for she could scarcely say a word. 

When Marianne next had time for solitary reflection, she deliberated on how her opinion of the colonel had changed since the beginning of their acquaintance. She had thought him old and dull in comparison to Willoughby, who did not challange this conviction, and above all she had thought it ridiculous that Mrs. Jennings should talk of him as an eligible bachelor. Marianne found that aside from developing a great respect, earned by his constancy, excellent manners and natural taste, she had not noticed the change in her own opinion of him. He was old, yes, but she found that she cared not, so long as he was in spirits; and he was indeed, by comparison to Willoughby, dull, but so was everyone else, even her own sister, whom she loved better than anyone else in the world; and finally, from her own overwhelming reaction to his invitation and warmhearted praise, she could only conclude that she certainly didn't think it ridiculous, and that she could in fact consider him an eligible bachelor. The thought alone made her blush. 

.... 

Colonel Brandon's invitation, once delivered to Mrs. Dashwood, was accepted with sincere pleasure and, as it was, their visit coincided with the office of his showing the parsonage to Mr. Ferrars, so they might decide on the improvements to be made on the house. It was therefore agreed, that the colonel upon returning home would send his carriage to Barton Cottage for them. Mr. Ferrars would accompany them on horse. 

The journey was spent in a varied, but ungainly conversation between the Dashwoods. Elinor contributed many musings on the Colonel's tastes, which they would soon discover, in order to keep herself from dwelling on the embarrassment of accompanying her intended husband to what would in all probability and hopes be their future home together. Marianne on the other hand exerted herself to avoid the subject of the Colonel's tastes or the style of his estate for a very similar reason, and would rather talk of the beautiful landscape. Margaret was in turn chiefly interested in the parsonage, where she was certain she would spend a great deal of time, but only their mother would engage in this subject as she felt equally intrigued by all. 

They arrived safely and in time for a late dinner, and Colonel greeted them with the warm welcome of a friend. The evening was mostly spent anticipating the exciting events of the following days, and they all decided on going to bed early as they were tired from the journey. 

Their visit did indeed afford them many pleasures. Mr. Ferrars examined the parsonage, with which he was greatly satisfied, and together he and the colonel planned the extensive repairs on the place. Mrs. Dashwood and miss Margaret inquired often and extensively into the proceedings, as they were very invested in the comfort of their friend. Mr. Ferrars obliged them as well as he could and repeatedly invited them all to take view of the place. Elinor declined profusely, and likewise did Marianne in sympathy with her sister, which resulted in the acceptance only by their mother and sister. They returned with the highest and often repeated praise for the abode and the work of Colonel Brandon, for which Marianne felt happy and Elinor feigned impartiality. 

On the third day of their visit could the colonel persuade miss Dashwood to play for them on the Broadwood Grand. Marianne, who had practiced vigorously before their departure, sat down on the bench with some nerves, though she endeavored to appear calm. Any agitation however dissipated when she began playing and was captivated by the beautiful sounds of the magnificent instrument. She sang the favourite hymn of her sister and herself, and as she looked into the eyes of her audience, singing the most treasured words, she felt such steady and powerful joy as she had never felt before. Looking at her sister, she found an unconditional love and source of strength; in Mr. Ferrars a strange but solid companionship in their great love for Elinor; in her mother and younger sister she saw those who would take joy or misery in anything she herself took joy or misery in; and in colonel Brandon she found her counterpart: an unshakable man, who loved her, even after all she had done and what was done to her; whom she respected and trusted; and who's very countenance now caused her to tremble. Indeed Marianne's voice did tremble, and the sound along with the joyous tears in her eyes only brought more beauty to her song. 

Marianne contended upon request to play more songs until the audience was gratified. Most of all did Colonel Brandon take pleasure in hearing her play and sing, for he had the additional satisfaction of imagining her in his house as a more permanent tenant. Upon seeing her boundless joy in the music and their company, he felt his chest swell with pride: He had, though only in a small way, watered the ground from which her joy sprang, and it brought him no end of pleasure. 

Upon the last note Marianne was lavished with applause and compliments. She endeavored to attribute her performance to the magnificent pianoforte, which they were all obliged to admire. 

On the same evening when they sat together in the drawing room before the the fire, the colonel managed a few words in private with miss Dashwood. He joined her, after she had taken a turn about the room, by the window, and once again praised her singing voice and skill at the pianoforte. 'You have more natural musical talent in your little finger, than most people could hope to attain in a lifetime. You have more than surpassed my wishes, miss Dashwood, and I declare your release from any obligation towards me.' The informality with which he spoke to her, saturated her mind as well as her cheeks, and she thought she would like nothing more than to encourage it. 'Perhaps I should have played poorly, colonel, so as not to risk an eviction, since you now no longer require me.' The colonel managed to hold his composure, except for a glint in his eye, that Marianne did not see as she was looking away, out the window to avoid further embarrassment. 'Am I to surmise that it is your true wish to be required by me?' Upon hearing these words, in which there could be no misunderstanding, no embellishment, Marianne's breath quickened despite her resolution to moderate her feelings. He was indelicate in his reply, and so did she resolve to be in hers. If he wanted to tease her, he could have no objection to being teased himself. 'How could such an advanced gentleman as yourself surmise anything else?' The colonel leaned a little nearer before speaking softly, reminding her just how much she appreciated his voice. 'Are you mocking me, miss Dashwood?'. The sensations which his words provoked in her would not be subdued, and furthermore they seemed to multiply when she noticed how close to the colonel she stood. Only when she realized that should she faint, not only would she bring herself ridicule, she would also end the conversation, only then did she mange to control herself. 'Only tell me to cease, miss Dashwood, and I shall.' She saw his sincere regard for her, which gave her back her courage, though regrettably not her breath. 'I only wish, that I could hear your words without risking my composure. I can hardly stand as it is.' The colonel extended his hand instinctively as if she really were falling, but withdrew it again, and took a brief leave of her: 'I will give you reprieve then, miss Dashwood.' With this he rejoined the party and they exchanged no further words that evening, as Marianne retired early on. 

After the initial disappointment and fear of having offended, Marianne realised from his manner that he had meant not to rebuff her, but rather it seemed to give her time to recover and reflect on what had transpired between them. When she thought it over, she discovered that she might not have been as impertinent as she felt it in the moment, but she had been rather direct and intimate in her manner. For the whole evening she meditated on the nature of her own intentions towards the colonel. She had, in the circumstances, only reacted without reflection or purpose. Did she indeed wish to encourage him? The very thought made her stomach flutter, and though in her more dispassionate reflections she had never seriously considered him desirable, she now had doubts. Her impulse guided her towards him with a frightening speed, so much so, that she felt uncertain in her own logical observations. She therefore decided it necessary that she should seek advice from the person she trusted the most on the subject of prudence.

Elinor recieved this requst with sincere gratitude for being trusted in such a delicate matter and with assurances of her secrecy. She listened to her sister's account and proceeded to offer no objection to the match. 'We are all fond of the colonel, and I daresay I know him well enough from our acquaintance in London to declare his character to be aimiable and sincere, and his manners elegant and respectful. He has been a most constant and selfless acquaintance, who has been known by Mrs. Jennings and sir John for many years.' Marianne consented to this, and made the protest of his age. 'It is indeed the only objection anyone could give to your match, but his age also affords him great indepence and a stability in character unparallelled by a man of twenty.' They both sat in quiet as they reflected upon this, until Elinor gathered the courage to inquire about her feelings towards the colonel. 'I hardly know how to speak of it sister. Do I love him? I could not say.' Marianne fell back into silence for a while as she contemplated this. 'I have always been so certain of my own feelings and convictions; most of all that I should never love anyone again, but now I find I doubt my feelings.' With these words broke into tears for the first time since her sister's engagement. But Elinor was not worried, as they seemed not to be tears of despair, but rather tears borne by a profound change in her sister's character, which could only be disorienting and difficult. 'The affair with Willoughby has changed you, sister, and for the better I daresay. It is only natural that you feel uncertain and overwhelmed, and it allows you in deed to pause and reflect, which is only healthy and for the benefit of yourself and your surroundings.' Marianne dried her eyes and thanked her sister for her kind and wise words. 'How did you become so prudent and sensible in a family such as this?' Marianne joked. 'How could I become anything else, dear sister?' They both delighted in their recovered confidence and didn't sleep until very late. 

.... 

After a week spent at Delaford, Mr. Ferrars was compelled to return to Oxford for his ordination. Elinor bore her disappointment with the relief of knowing that there would be no more occasion for discussing the parsonage. She and her sister took many turns exploring the garden of the Delaford estate, in particular the enclosed orchard which was overgrown with all types of fruits and berries, including exotic fruits from India. No few minutes was spent by Marianne in guiltily marvelling at all this, she might take a share in. Marianne walked there alone many an afternoon to reflect upon Willoughby, her illness and her subsequent plan to better herself.

On such an afternoon was she approached by the colonel, who had not yet breached the subject of their tête-à-tête a few days prior. He chanced upon her outside in returning from an interview with the gardener, and inquired if she or her sister had ever tasted an apricot fruit. 'I believe not.' The colonel then asked if he could make a suggestion, to which she obliged. 'If you and your family would like it, I shall ask the cook to makes us a dessert from them for dinner.' Marianne replied that she thought it a splendid idea, and inquired whether he was certain they would be ripe. 'If you would care to join me, we shall soon find out.' He offered his arm and in her delight she took it without hesitation. When they came upon the flourishing tree, she expressed her admiration, recollecting that she had often passed by it and appreciated its color and health. 'If you would oblige me, miss Daswood, it seems I require a fruitpicker.' Marianne was too excited to think up a retort, so she merely accepted. The colonel produced a stool and a small basket, while advising her on assessing the ripeness of the fruit. Marianne checked the stability of the stool before gathering her skirt in preparation and requesting his hand. He helped her onto the stool, keping his arm outstretched that she might keep her balance. While recovering the matured apricots and delivering them in the basket, she noticed that the flesh of his hand was warm and tender excactly as the fruit and she wondered how it would feel against her lips or the shell of her ear. Embarrassed by her own thoughts, but unwilling to betray it, she kept holding onto his hand until she was safe on the ground, upon which he thanked her for the assistance. 'Any sweetness in these, I shall attribute to the touch of the fruitpicker.'

That evening they enjoyed the sweetest fruit pie, which they all agreed was uparalleled by anything they had had so far this summer. Margaret had a second helping of it and Elinor once again complimented his beautiful orchard. 

....

The Dashwoods spent many memorable days at Delaford before they journeyed back after a fortnight, with the promise of seeing Colonel Brandon at Barton Park before long. In the carriage was exchanged many pleasantries about the colonel's warm hospitality and excellent home. Elinor in particular was content with the prospect of such a neighbor. Perhaps, if things resolved themselves with the colonel and Marianne, her mother and Margaret could rent a cottage in Delaford and they could all enjoy each other's company with ease. Though when she looked at her sister, gazing outside in quiet thought, she scolded herself for being too fanciful. Marianne was recalling all the conversations she had enjoyed with the colonel, in attempting to pinpoint when exactly she fell in love with him, if that indeed was what had happened. From a confidential conversation with Elinor, she knew that the colonel, it seemed, had been taken with Marianne from the very beggining of their acquaintance. This information disturbed Marianne, who remembered how openly, how unabashedly she had acted with Willoughby, and how the colonel must have suffered. She recalled with tears on her cheeks how she and Willoughby had scorned the man upon a sudden departure from the party, when it later was revealed how noble the colonel's actions had been. Marianne did only at present realize how gross an influence Willoughby had been, and how naively she had followed his every lead. And why did noone stop her? She was only sixteen! Alas, her mother did nothing to moderate her behaviour, even at times encouraged it! Marianne exerted herself to remember the reason, and to forgive her well intended mother. Though by Elinor, she must do justice, for she had always attempted to guide her and urge her to restrain, not her sensibility, but her behaviour. Marianne resolved once again to earn this kind consideration in her sister, that betrayed nothing but love and loyalty. 

Their travels ended shortly and the Dashwoods once again settled in Barton Cottage to enjoy the remainder of summer. They spent however many days at Barton Park where the colonel joined them whenever he had the time. In the early autumn Mr. Ferrars was ordained and returned to settle in his new home, though not without first visiting the Dashwoods with the wonderful news of the reconciliation between himself and Mrs. Ferrars. It seemed she had chosen to adopt both her sons back in the family at the urgence of her motherly heart. Mrs. Ferrars furthermore chose to gift Edward with two hundred and fifty pounds in addition to his living, which enabled him to marry Elinor at once, and caused no end of joy in the little cottage.

Soon after the wedding of Mr. Edward and Mrs. Elinor Ferrars, Colonel Brandon held a ball at Delaford, where the couple had the pleasure of recieving many family and friends, perhaps only family as it seemed Mrs. Jennings had quite an extensive family tree and seemed to be related to everyone. Margaret was allowed to join the festivities and was guided by Marianne, who otherwise spent the evening dancing and conversing. Marianne was, to her own surprise, very popular and had many dancepartners, but invariably found a way into the company of Colonel Brandon at the end of each dance. It was clear to anyone with the barest observance, that they favoured each other's company despite enjoying each their own prefered pastime. The adoration with which they looked upon one another could hardly be missed. 

It was not long indeed, before the two were, with the blessing of Mrs. Dashwood and all of their friends, engaged to be married. The colonel made the offer of his hand in an autumn afternoon as the two took a solitary walk to the old ruins. Marianne had anticipated the event and did not attempt to deter him when their conversation reached an initmate theme. 'I imagine that you wonder at why I have waited so long to bring up the topic of our future together, especially considering that I am such an advanced gentleman, as you once put it.' Marianne smiled widely in remembrance at her own taunt, and looked at him with a tenderness that could only encourage him. 'I have waited because I believe you needed time to readjust yourself, to get your bearings after everything that happened to you.' Marianne understood what he meant, and even though it was painful to recall, she did not waver or try to conceal herself from him. 'I have waited because I wanted you to feel certain of your own wishes and desires.' And Marianne did feel certain that she desired him and wished for a future with him; she felt certain and it reflected in her upturned face. He reached out for her hand and she took it without pause. 'I am too old for you. I have had my young hope shattered in the most brutal way, and I have marched on.' His gaze and his words held such intensity as caused Marianne's eyes to water, but she did not break her gaze upon the man she loved. 'Since I first beheld your bright face and heard your angelic voice, have I known that it was my most sincere wish to become your husband; that is my deepest desire to call you wife.' Marianne's cheeks burned in passion and tears were falling down them. She held onto his hand, which was more steadying and worthy of her trust than the very ground she stood upon. 

There were a thousand things she wanted to tell him, but she couldn't mould a single one of them into words; her chest attempted to burst out of the constricting gown, and her watery eyes saw spots. In the end she felt there was only one way to express her emotions, so she threw her arms about his neck and pressed herself against him. He grunted something indistinguishable in surprise, but didn't hesitate to return her embrace, which profoundly amended their broken hearts. For his final question he could scarcely manage more than a whisper into her hair: 'Miss Marianne Dashwood, would you do me the greatest honor of accepting my hand in marriage?' Marianne sobbed into the collar of his coat, that yes, she would, and she did not move for a long time; would not move, indecent though it was, she knew she would most likely faint and that would feel too much like leaving him. 

In the end she released him of her embrace, and the loss was so great, that she immediately took hold of his hand. She felt she must do him the honor by exerting herself to a sensible reply: 'You are very right to have waited colonel, for in doing so, you have shown me so clearly, how well you know me and how deeply you care for me, and I will endeavor; I will aspire to earn your high regard for me. I will play for you everyday, if you so wish, and I will fetch any fruit you desire. You will see that I can be constant too, that I am constant in my love for you. And no matter how I fare, I will never finish in my endeavour to show you how tenderly I love you.'

'Miss Marianne.' The colonel could not say another word, there was nothing that could be said to express his joy, so he merely kissed each of her hands in turn, in an effort to impart his regard for her.

Once they had both recollected themselves, they walked back to the cottage, delighting in their joint hopes for the future. When they stepped inside the little drawing room, once again Marianne's voice eluded her, she was so overcome by emotion, by what their announcement would soon induce in her family. She was thankful when the colonel, upon seeing her struggle, took the office upon himself. 'I am delighted to inform you, that Miss Marianne Dashwood has done me the great honor of accepting my hand in marriage." The news were recieved with such unbridled joy by Mrs. Dashwood and the youngest sister as could only be considered heartfelt, if a bit direct. It did not take Marianne long to find an opportunity to travel to the parsonage at Delaford, where the news were recieved in a more moderate, though no less sincere and loving manner.

...

**Author's Note:**

> I might sometime write their wedding night too, if the muse comes upon me.
> 
> Anyways, please let me know what you think!


End file.
